If you’ve ever watched Married At First Sight and thought, ‘This needs less therapy and more sunstroke,’ then Seven’s Stranded On Honeymoon Island is the fever dream you’ve been waiting for.

Billed as a ‘romantic experiment,’ it’s basically Survivor meets MAFS meets Why-is-this-on-TV – and I’m still not sure if it’s genius or garbage. Probably both.

Narrated by Jackie ‘O’ Henderson, the show kicks off with a chaotic speed-dating session where 20 strangers lock eyes for two minutes at a time without learning anyone’s name and job.

Sparks fly, kind of.

But instead of letting nature take its course, producers do what they do best: ignore the actual chemistry and match people based on vibes and chaos potential.

If you’ve ever watched Married At First Sight and thought, ‘This needs less therapy and more sunstroke,’ then Stranded On Honeymoon Island is the fever dream you’ve been waiting for

Billed as a ‘romantic experiment,’ it’s basically Survivor meets MAFS meets Why-is-this-on-TV – and I’m still not sure if it’s genius or garbage. Probably both

Then, it’s straight to the altar.

No names, no phones, no clue. Just marriage and immediate exile to a private island with someone you met 13 minutes ago. It’s like a honeymoon from hell.

Enter Amy, 30, the overconfident TikToker who believes in love but apparently not in red flags.

She falls hard for a man bun in a salmon jacket (Haydn) during the dating round, only to be matched with someone else entirely.

She’s paired with Mike, 37, a motorsport presenter who quotes his dad like it’s the Bible and thinks respect is something you barter for with affection.

On the island, things go from rom-com to rage room quickly.

Amy begins cutting up her wedding dress like she’s auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race: Island Edition, while Mike tries to flirt like he’s never met a woman before.

‘I’m the man. Just chill out. I got this,’ he tells her. Spoiler: he does not.

Narrated by Jackie ‘O’ Henderson, the show kicks off with a chaotic speed-dating sesh where 20 strangers lock eyes for two minutes at a time without learning anyone’s name and job

But instead of letting nature take its course, producers do what they do best: ignore the actual chemistry and match people based on vibes and chaos potential

On the island, things go from rom-com to rage room quickly. Amy begins cutting up her wedding dress like she’s auditioning for RuPaul’s Drag Race: Island Edition while Mike tries to flirt like he’s never met a woman before

Their dynamic turns full-blown dumpster fire when Mike receives a video message from his ex, who politely roasts him for making her feel ‘small’.

Mike’s ex exposes his fragile masculinity – and he sulks. Amy sees it, calls it, and decides she’d rather talk to the goats on the island than flirt with her husband.

Mike’s takeaway? ‘I was just trying to be nice and do what men should do.’

Amy’s? ‘We’re not even friends.’

Amy takes this as confirmation that her man is less ‘Island Daddy’ and more ‘Walking Ick.’

‘Maybe it’s not Honeymoon Island,’ Amy snaps. ‘Maybe it’s Nightmare Island.’

Meanwhile, actual chemistry makes a surprise cameo.

Byron, 33, is paired with Brie, 28, a commitment-phobe who has somehow never been in love, but loves the idea of a destination wedding with a plus-one she just met.

Amy takes this as confirmation that her man is less ‘Island Daddy’ and more ‘Walking Ick’

The two are immediately smitten, launching themselves into island life by literally jumping off a boat and swimming to shore like a rom-com trailer.

Byron is a sweetie with a tragic backstory – his mum passed away when he was 15, and he’s finally decided to stop ghosting relationships in search of something meaningful.

Brie, on the other hand, is still flirting with the idea of self-sabotage.

As Byron chops coconuts and her walls, she pulls away – because of course she does.

Then there’s Chad and Georgia – the trauma bonding power couple.

Chad, 46, is a carer for his sister and has never made room for love.

Georgia, 35, was literally left at the altar three days before her last destination wedding.

Together, they’re sweet, soft-spoken and surprisingly normal. So naturally, they’ll probably be edited out by episode four.

Meanwhile, actual chemistry makes a surprise cameo. Byron, 33, is paired with Brie, 28, a commitment-phobe who has somehow never been in love, but loves the idea of a destination wedding with a plus-one she just met

The two are immediately smitten, launching themselves into island life by literally jumping off a boat and swimming to shore like a rom-com trailer

Crates start arriving on the islands like deranged love bombs, packed with letters from home and emotional grenades.

Brie’s brother basically calls her out for always running – and she cries.

Final verdict? It’s MAFS with mosquito bites.

A dating show where the villain is both your partner and the humidity. Where the only thing more fragile than the egos is the bamboo beds.