Episode 2 Recap | The Golden Bachelor has barely begun, but emotions are already boiling over as rivalries and romances ignite inside the mansion.

It’s only week one inside The Golden Bachelor mansion, but you’d think these ladies had been living together for months judging by the alliances, daggers and declarations of eternal love flying around.

Drama erupts on The Golden Bachelor as Bear’s first dates spark jealousy, heartbreak and full-blown chaos among the golden ladies. (image – Channel 9)

The morning sun has barely hit the garden before the “Goldies” are stretching into their yoga poses and gossiping over coffee. Host Samantha Armytage soon struts in with a golden envelope, and with that, the competition truly begins. The first single date of the season has arrived — and the lucky lady is Janette.

Cue gasps, squeals and a distinctly frosty side-eye from Catherine, who mutters that she hopes it goes terrible.

Smooth Sailing — and an Awkward Swim

Ever the gentleman, Bear makes his grand entrance by boat (seriously, this man loves a maritime moment). He whisks Janette off for a sailing adventure on Sydney Harbour, where sparks fly as the pair take turns steering the yacht and sharing their life stories.

Janette opens up about her past, revealing her marriage ended in 2005 and that she carries regrets. “I lost a good man, I don’t want to do that again,” she admits, eyes glistening. Bear nods empathetically, confiding that after his wife’s passing he struggled to compromise — but now he’s ready to move forward.

As the sun dips below the horizon, Bear and Janette settle in for a romantic beach picnic, complete with a cheeseboard and heart-to-heart about their grown-up sons. A rose is presented, a kiss is shared — and somewhere back at the mansion, Catherine is likely plotting her revenge.

Then, because nothing says “romance” like forced dampness, Bear convinces Janette to go swimming fully clothed. She’s visibly miserable, muttering through a frozen smile that she’s hating every minute of it.

“Nobody Puts Catherine in the Corner”

Back at the mansion, Catherine continues to spiral. “Why wasn’t it me?” she wails, clutching a metaphorical voodoo doll of Janette. But she doesn’t have long to sulk — it’s time for a group date.

Another golden envelope appears, and the chosen few — Catherine, Nicolette, Jan, Gera, Hamidah, Sunny, Shamse, Elizete and Katrina — are invited to a movie-themed photoshoot. The brief? Channel iconic love stories from the silver screen.

Bear dons his leather jacket for a Grease tribute, paired with Sunny as Sandy. She jokes that she wants to “rip his shirt off and see what’s under there!” Meanwhile, Gera swoops in as Cha Cha, gleefully stirring trouble.

Then comes Dirty Dancing, where Catherine claims her main-character moment as Baby. “Nobody puts Catherine in the corner!” she declares, relishing every second in Bear’s arms — much to Nicolette’s dismay, who’s left awkwardly dancing solo in the background.

Finally, Muriel’s Wedding takes a surprisingly emotional turn. Cast as the runaway bride, Shamse breaks down mid-shoot, confessing that her husband passed away 17 months ago. “I am grieving a lot of people, so maybe that’s what’s happening right now,” she tells a comforting Samantha Armytage, who rushes in to console her. The tears are real, and for a moment, the usual Bachelor theatrics fade into genuine emotion.

Champagne, Chaos and “Permission to Push”

The cocktail party brings a new house rule: a so-called “permission to push” policy — a fair play agreement to ensure everyone gets a turn with Bear. Sounds noble in theory. In practice? Absolute carnage.

As Bianca praises Elizete’s “great butt,” and Lauren laments that “no one is touching my boobs,” Catherine is busy plotting her next move. She ignores the sisterhood pact entirely and swoops in on Bear mid-conversation, prompting Lauren to sigh, “Queen Catherine does what’s best for Queen Catherine.”

Bear starts the night by checking in with Shamse, who confesses she felt overwhelmed during the wedding shoot. He tells her he understands — and gifts her a rose. “Thank you for making me feel better,” she says softly.

But any lingering sweetness evaporates when Catherine interrupts yet again, whisking Bear away while others seethe on the sidelines. Bianca labels her “a perfumed tarantula” — which, frankly, might be the best Bachelor insult ever uttered.

Roses, Regrets and Goodbyes

At the rose ceremony, tensions are high and fake smiles are plastered firmly in place. Catherine gets called early, prompting visible saltiness from the rest of the group. With one rose left, Lauren is left sweating it out — but Bear spares her from elimination.

Sadly, it’s goodbye to Linda and Nicolette, who graciously departs with a final, “You take care of my girls!”

And with that, the first whirlwind week of The Golden Bachelor wraps up — full of sailing, tears, rule-breaking and a sisterhood hanging by a thread.

Viewers Weigh In: Beige Bear, Bunny Boilers and Bad Boob Jobs

While romance bloomed (and imploded) on screen, the armchair critics were out in force online.

One viewer summed up the general vibe, saying “Bear seems a bit robotic and beige. My partner says he’s just Canadian.” Another chimed in with, “‘Just Canadian’ made me lol — he’s like an NPC.”

Others weren’t impressed with the casting. “Bianca is annoyingly forced and probably has a guarantee to stay until they get rid of the obligatory nuts,” one fan posted, adding, “Annoyed that they did a PR cast.”

Still, a few favourites are already emerging. “Love the short hair lady, doctor lady and Shamse,” wrote one viewer, while another simply dubbed Catherine “an absolute bunny boiler with horrific boobs.”

There’s also speculation about Shamse’s emotional state, with one commenter writing, “She’s so lovely, but I wonder if she’s really had enough time to grieve properly after losing her husband only 17 months ago.”

And while some complained about the show’s marketing — “I had no clue it was airing last night — they’ve done a shit job with marketing” — others are already hooked. “Janette was my pick from last night,” one fan declared. “I think they had a good initial connection.”

Whatever the verdict, The Golden Bachelor’s golden girls have already given Australia the drama, tears and awkward boat moments we didn’t know we needed.